Gofuc Kyoursel
Wynn Las Vegas Wynn Las Vegas
Las Vegas, Nevada
"Gofuc Kyoursel"
We review Las Vegas hotels. We don't tell them that's why we're there so they treat us like regular slobs. Let's see what happens shall we?... Review #43 Wynn Las Vegas Currently staying in room 2059 Resort Tower at Wynn Las Vegas., (June 28 to July 2, 2016) First thing you should know is a $604.85 USD hold will be placed on your credit card at time of check-in, not the standard $200 most other hotels charge so make sure you shake down ol' Visa for an extra grand on your limit before you go. Why $604 bucks? Because for the sphincter tightening price of just $33 you too can finance 2 Piña Coladas at the pool. Yes. Two drinks. Small ones. 33 bucks. Even though it's only a decade old this hotel is showing its age. Bring your phone charger because rooms pre-date USB connections. Luckily you can still use your grandma's first generation 2004 iPod on the prehistoric alarm clocks. Jammin'. Great views from the strip facing side of the building but if you're unlucky enough to be sentenced to a cell on the golfcourse side of Wynn be prepared to be kept up until 3 am due to dance music and the excessive douchebaggery from nightclub "Intrigue" and the perpetual pool party next door at Encore. Make sure you tell the front desk if you want wifi access in your room too and that you'll cough up for the resort fee, or they'll punish you to the tune of $19 per day/per device. That's a lot of scratch just to look at xHamster for 10 minutes yo. Comfy beds. Crazy oversized pillows which we used to make a most-bitchin' fort. Kohler toilets that flush like a jet engine. Be prepared for the classic gestapo housekeeping staff beating your door down at 8 a.m to swab your pooper as if they're on commode commission or something. Go away. I lost my shirt at Harrahs last night and I'm sleeping 'til noon. Check in staff is flaky and moderately unhelpful. Don't be too impressed with the "free breakfast buffet" vouchers either, they literally give them to absolutely every guest and the odds of you actually getting in to eat are worse than your chances of hitting the Megabucks in the snoozy casino. The last time we stood in a line up that long we at least got our picture taken while we rode down a waterfall in a fake log. (The breakfast buffet scam is that they're hoping you'll cough up an extra 10 bucks per person to skip the endless line). We have serious doubts that Wynn Las Vegas is a 5 star hotel anymore with it's stainy carpets and bizzaro artwork. This place is getting old and boring and we can't wait to leave. Staff at "Parasol Up" get a special mention here for the slowest service in the universe, and the worst mixed drinks of all time. -Nice chairs though Steve-o. Speaking of Steve; hey Wynn, turn the freaking music down at the fountain show out front, nobody wants to hear blaringly loud show tunes when they're busy dodging the handlers of pans on the sidewalk in front of the Esplanade nobody ever shopped at in the entire history of ever. We'd still rather stay at Wynn than say Circus Circus where you're all but guaranteed to be shivved with a sharpened toothbrush shank in an elevator seconds after arriving but if you paid more than $75 per night to stay at here at Wynn; then you got hosed son. Overall Wynn is a hit-and-miss kind of place. Be prepared to be treated like it's a privilege to hand them your money. We were expecting better of Wynn. If we just wanted to be treated like turds we woulda stayed at Ceasars. P.S. Those aren't real flowers on that gaudy carosel in the lobby, stop taking pictures of it with your iPad you damned tourist. Wynn Las Vegas receives a rating of 2 Stars from Starlight Entertainment™ Group. This hotel is rated HIGHER than Ceasars Palace Las Vegas. This hotel is rated LOWER than Palazzo Las Vegas. Starlight Entertainment™ staff carry 2A Universal Press credentials at all times.

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